It has been a while.
My last blog was talking about having to bury Henry, I will get back to the follow up blog from that one day.
But for now, I am skipping forward to now. nearly two years on from losing him, he will be two in the next couple of days.
I stepped away from the blogs for a while to have a bit of a break from being so submerged by it all and trying to rebuild our lives a bit.
A lot has happened over the past two years, we have since had another baby Maggie (I will do a whole blog on this) my business has grown a lot, we have met more family’s who have been through similar situations, we have a dog and Arthur has started a new school.
I wanted to write this one because I think it’s important to share this with it coming close to him being two.
I mean in all honesty I never actually thought we would make it here as a family, we have had quite the journey. It has not been easy by any means.
But I wanted to write this for all the people who are going through this from the beginning or know someone who is or you have lost someone close to you.
There is a life after, it’s different for sure and my son Henry has become a huge part of our family.
Arthur mentions him in everything and I mean EVERYTHING we do just as if he is here by our side every day.
We take the dog for a walk and play a game, he says “Henry can be…”
If we play games at home and have to pick sides, he says “me, Henry and Ben are on dads team because we are the boys”
If anyone asks me how many kids I have I always say three.
He is a part of our family no matter what.
He will never be forgotten he is right here with us every day.
This week is always a tough week leading up to his birthday and I will be honest I think it will get harder every single year because as he gets older, we get older, his siblings get older, life changes, life happens and lots of things happen that he has missed out on. As the years go by the day of holding him gets further away.
I don’t think that will ever get easier, but that’s ok.
This is our life now.
But everyday life gets easier as the years go by, in the first week, month, year life is tough but I can honestly say two years on life is getting a bit easier each day.
So if you are at the beginning I promise you it will get better.
Having Maggie has certainly helped heal us over the past 10 months ( I will write another blog about her)
My outlook on life has changed over the past two years.
Life is short, life can change at an instance for better or worse.
But your outlook on your situation is everything.
I understand we must make the most of life, if you are unhappy at work
change it, life’s too short for unhappy!
If you don’t do things you enjoy regularly.
Change it, life’s too short to not do things you enjoy everyday!
If someone or a relationship has a negative impact on your life
Change it, life’s too short for negativity!
I feel kind of blessed that I have the opportunity to live life and experience things.
Something I understand Henry didn’t have. I feel losing him has made me a better father because I truly understand what you can lose. I don’t want to miss anything that is important in Arthur and Maggie’s life
Sports day, I will be there
First day of school, I’m there
Swimming lesson certificate, I’m there
Last day of school, I’m there
Feeling I’ll, I’m there
I don’t want to miss a thing as I have already had that choice taken away from me with Henry.
If I have a dream, I will make it a reality. Because life is too short for unachieved dreams, Henry doesn’t get the chance to achieve his.
We have a dream of living by the sea, Cornwall maybe. I have put together a 5 year plan and we will achieve this, life is too short for it to just be another dream that never get’s achieved
I want to make sure Maggie and Arthur realise how lucky they are to have the opportunity at life that their brother didn’t have and I want them to know that it is important to live it on their terms.
Do a job you love
Chase your dreams
Never settle for being unhappy because that’s what you think you have to be
Step outside your comfort zone and live life
Be a good human
Try to make sure the world is a better place for having you in it
Because your brother has not had that opportunity.
I want them to understand who Henry was, I want them to talk about him to their own kids and grandkids.
Henry is and forever will be a special part of our family. We will celebrate all of his birthdays just like we celebrate his brother and sisters.
I just want you to know that two years on a lot has changed in our lives, we have come a long way, there is still plenty more of the journey ahead and it’s a rocky road we will keep living. But there is a life for you after such tragedy, just try to fill it with hope, happiness and positive thoughts.
Happy birthday my darling boy Henry, I want you to know I think about you every day, you just like your brother and sister will always be my best friend.